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Congrats, You Won Against the Handicap Kids

Subtitle:  Thanks for 9/11-ing my weekend

Just when I thought everything is going so well, someone had to call (not me, I had to hear it second-hand) and completely destroy everything I had worked so hard for.  Something that has killed a part of me, and they took out the rest.

With some people, everything is just a competition and they don’t care who they have to take out to win.  Their words and actions have shown that they have little thought or care for someone’s feelings, life, relationships because these are all forever changed.  I and “we” will never be the same again.

Everything is lost.  It caused me to stop living.  I didn’t want to.  I’ve suffered some of the worst betrayals that one person could inflict on another person, but nothing like this.  On top of it all, they cut off my voice and my support so that in some of my darkest times, I had no one to help me.  I was left to drown.

I’m so blessed to have the husband I do, although it doesn’t always seem like it.  I wasn’t even able to look at him.  He was  a constant reminder of what I was supposed to give him, and now have no way of ever doing so.

No one else understands.  Even my own mother attacked myself and my marriage.  Too concerned about what others think, than to see her child is in extreme pain.   Not that it surprises me though.  I guess that’s the risk with trying to be a positive person.  If people don’t really care to look, they don’t see the hopelessness and pain you’re fighting off.

Maybe it is selfish, but I can’t pretend to be happy for you right now.  I honestly don’t care.  You’ll have enough people that will be, which is what you’ll want.  Turn to them, and leave me be.

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About babyandthegeeks

I'm just a 28 year old neurotic hippie/geek, and I'm just doing my thing.

2 responses »

  1. I hope you will be ok. I sense your emotions and sending you hugs

    Reply

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