It figures that on the night we get an extra hour I can’t sleep. I’ve just got too much to think about. I can’t turn my mind off.
DH and I waited until we heard from the lab to go to Fun Fun Fun Fest. I knew that the place closed at noon, so when 11:55 rolled around I decided to call and see what was up. Of course, no one answered so I left a message.
At 11:59 my phone rang and when I went to grab it, it sent it to voicemail! FUDGE! I hate that phone sometimes. They left a message, so I listened.
They said that everything looked good, and gave me instructions for the transfer happening on Monday. He never told me though how many embryos we had!
This is the moment all sanity left me. I just broke down. How could he not tell me? How could this be the one call that my phone decides to be dysfunctional? I started to sob. How many did we have? What did “everything looks good” mean? All five? One good one? Will we have any to freeze? Will I have to do this all over again?
I called again, and had to leave a message for the doctor on call. That message must have sounded crazy. I was half sobbing/half trying to sound collected. I know I was being a little insane for just wanting to know how many embryos we had, but I HAD to know! I couldn’t wait two more days.
To add to my insanity, apparently the lab called back and my phone never rang. They left a message again, and AGAIN DID NOT say how many embryos there were. I was a mess.
Finally the actual doctor called me back and I was able to answer. I felt so bad that I was sounding crazy. I apologized for my insanity, but I was having an anxiety attack over it. We had just lost 11 would be embryos, I had to know what we had now. The doctor was actually really nice about it. I’m sure I’m not the only crazy infertile person to call her crying.
All five have survived! I couldn’t be happier. I’m not sure if they are going to put one or two in, but we have five!
I can’t explain the feelings of knowing that there is finally an embryo out there that shares DH’s and I’s DNA. There is a physical manifestation of our love for each other. We never got to have that before, and those 8 cells mean the world.
So the transfer is set for Monday at 10 am. I’ll be getting pre and post acupuncture sessions, and I hope that will allow me to get some relaxation. I’m really not worried about the transfer. I’m worried about what comes after.
I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next two weeks. How can you not think about it? How do you not over analyze every twinge you feel? What’s going to happen if it doesn’t work? I guess you never really know how you’ll react until that moment.
I’m just not good with no control, and that’s pretty much what the next two weeks are.