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Monthly Archives: January 2012

Thumb Sucker

I would have posted earlier, but I had pregnant brain when I went for a 13 week ultrasound.  It wasn’t until I got to the place that I looked around for my purse and realized that I had walked out the door without it.  What woman forgets her purse?!?  So I didn’t have my flash drive to put the pictures on.  I just don’t think they look as good if you scan the photos in.

Anyway, I managed to stop by and get my photos on the flash drive, and here they are:

I always hold my breath in the beginning.  The tummy ultrasound isn’t as clear as the trans vaginal ones, and I desperately search for that beating heart.  I can never find it though, but the tech did.  The heart rate was at 166, which is normal for it to drop a bit at this point.

Baby wasn’t bouncing around, but as you can see from the picture above it was very sweetly sucking it’s thumb.  You could actually watch it’s fist go back and forth.  I could watch it all day long.  The tech said that the thumb sucking was actually a good sign that the sucking/digestion/liver were all functioning properly.

Everything else looked good.  The tech tried to move the baby a bit, but it wasn’t having it.  It had it’s thumb and it was comfortable.  The bum was too far down so we couldn’t get any clue as to sex.  It’s still a little too early though, so I’m just happy to see that the second trimester is starting well.

I finally had a dream about the baby last night, and it was regarding sex.  I really haven’t had any dreams about the baby other than at times thinking, “Oh yeah, I’m pregnant.”  In last night’s dream I kept having these ultrasounds that were nothing like actual ultrasounds revealing the sex to be male.

Do I see it as a sign?  No.  I know some women “just know” what they’re having. I don’t have that feeling at all.  I have not a clue.  I think my dream was just my subconscious saying, “I want a boy!”

I have to agree with Garfunkel and Oates.  I think it’s ok to admit if you have a preference, and I do.  I want a boy.  I’ve never been a girly girl.  I don’t have many girlfriends.  I was a big tomboy growing up.  I just like boys.  It’s actually more of I think I would feel bad for her.  I can’t give beauty tips, I’m horrid at braiding hair, I hate pink, and as much as I love my family they all have image complexes….  Plus, my DH will be putty in her hands.  Why do I always have to be the bad guy?

Sure I may be a little bummed at first if it’s a girl, but I know it will be a fleeting feeling.  I think it’s just extra hard on infertiles because it’s not like we can just jump in sack and try again.  No, we have to go through the hormone injections, egg extraction, and $15,000 bill all over again for just a CHANCE of getting pregnant again and maybe getting a different sex.  Plus, we’re kind of guilted into “just being happy you have a baby”.  I really truly am, but I’m human and I can hope for a boy.

Alright, well my next update will probably be after my next Midwife appointment the beginning of February.  I can’t believe that’s only in two weeks though.  I don’t know whether I hope all the months fly by this quickly or not.

Oh, and here’s another picture because I’m now convinced my baby is cute based on head and nose shape ;):

Also, the thumb sucking habit is totally from my husband’s side….

Pregnancy Announcement

Of course two nerds would have to make a test tube baby!

DH (Dear Husband) and I are so relieved to be going into our second trimester.  Our first baby is due on July 26, 2012.

If you didn’t know this has been a long and hard journey for us both.  After a year of trying we were diagnosed with Male Factor Infertility.  To put it simply, if DH’s sperm could even make it to my egg (unlikely) it would still be near impossible for them to penetrate my egg.

It was so bad that we were told the only way we could get pregnant was through IVF.  Infertility is a physical and emotional bitch, and not a lot of people understand it.  Not to mention very expensive as most (including our) insurance doesn’t cover it.

I won’t go into our journey too much, but if your interested you can read through this blog and catch up with us.  We performed our first IVF the beginning of November, and although things didn’t go ideally we were thrilled when we found out that we were pregnant with one baby!

So now that we are hopefully past the threat of miscarriage we’re excited to share the news with the world (Facebook).  I’ll update the developments about once a week on this blog, and you can look at the latest baby pictures up at the top of the page.

Thanks for sharing in our joy.

If you would like to learn more about infertility and how you can make the world a better place for people like me (because you love me, right?), check out Resolve.

If you really love us you would take just a couple of minutes to write to your Congressperson in support of The Family Act of 2011.  It gives a tax credit to those who had to pay out of pocket for infertility treatments.  We had to pay $15,000 for one round of treatment.  We’re lucky that we made it work, but there are so many families out there that would never be able to afford it without this bill.  If you can spend hours watching Teen Moms getting knocked up or Casey Anthony trials, you can take a few minutes to fill out a pre written letter that would lead to allowing people who actually want children to have their dreams come true.

Thanks again!

12 Weeks

 

  Wow, I can’t believe that we’ve made it this far.  I can’t believe that we’re ending our first trimester and heading into the second.  I really want to embrace this pregnancy now.

I know some bloggers create a whole new blog once they move from being infertiles to being pregnant, but I’m not moving anywhere.  Instead I’m going to switch the focus of this blog to being an expectant mother.

I’m not really worried about losing readers.  I’ve already noticed that my readership has dropped significantly, and I figured that if you’re still with me you don’t mind where we’re going.  Mind you I don’t blame those who have dropped off.  I know it’s hard to read about all this when you doubt you’ll ever be able to experience the same thing.  I wish all those families out there the best of luck no matter where there journey takes them.  I hope they find happiness.

Anyway, in the spirit of the focus shift I really had a problem with our upcoming Facebook announcement.  As much as I want to be sensitive to possible other infertiles out there, I want to have a happy cute “we’re pregnant” announcement damnit!  Other normal fertiles out there get to have it and do it all the time, so why can’t we?  I didn’t want to do a normal happy cute announcement though because we’re not normal.  I definitely wanted the announcement to mention that we had IVF.

I didn’t want to gloss over the fact that we had a difficult time.  I’m not ashamed of it, and I really think people need to talk more about it.  If we inform more people about it, maybe we’ll have an easier time with it.  Hopefully more open discussions about it will lead to things like the passing of the Family Act of 2011.  Have you written to your Senator and Representative yet?

So I think I came up with a cute idea.  We’re going to unveil it tonight, so I’ll post it then.  I hope my IFers out there will like it.  I’m also going to be linking to this blog, so I’m going to be writing another post to just introduce what I’ve been going though and where this blog is going to be going.  So please forgive the boring “we’ve already been through this” post.

On the pregnancy front, not a whole lot has changed.  I have more nauseous/fatigued days than not, but I’m hoping this will pass soon.  The hubby is getting tired of my crankiness  (poor thing, he’s being a trooper.  He knows just to walk away and ignore me), and I’m tired of feeling like crap all the time.

My hunger though is out of control.  I’m hungry all the time, and when I do eat it’s ravenous.  I can’t get the food in me fast enough.  I’ve never been a skinny girl, but I’ve never been like this.  I feel like a honey badger.  I just don’t give a s#*t.  I’m just, I”m hungry.  I’d eat a snake, pass out, then wake up eating it again.

I think I’m starting to show a bit.  I mean, it’s not easy to tell where my fat stops and the baby bump begins, but I notice a difference.  I’ve bought a couple of maternity tops, but I know that I’ll have to start buying some new pants soon.

I did make my official pregnancy purchase the other day.  I’m expecting my Snoogle tomorrow, and I’m super excited about it.  I just toss and turn at night before eventually passing out and I hope this will help.

I guess that’s really it for now.  More later.

Let’s Get Physical

 

  I had my appointment with the midwife this morning.  She performed a basic physical, and we also went ahead and did a pap smear.  I’m due for my yearly in March and I have a history of abnormal paps, so I just figured we better be safe than sorry.

We also tried to get the heartbeat on the doppler.  After she couldn’t get it after a while, she tried to push my uterus up closer to abdomen.  While she was “in” there she noticed that my uterus was a bit retroverted, meaning that it’s tipped backwards instead of forwards.  It was likely like this since I started menstruation, and could be why I had such bad dysmenorrhea.  It also explains why I haven’t really had any urges to pee all the time, it’s pushing against my spine not my bladder.  Other than that, it’s not really a problem.  It doesn’t cause infertility, and only very rarely does it cause miscarriage.  As the baby grows it will fix itself, and there are even some exercises I can do to help it.

The midwife doesn’t seemed worried, so I’m not going to be either.  After she pushed my uterus up we heard the heartbeat.  Nice and strong, and everything looks great.

I’m ready to start enjoying this pregnancy.  I’m almost done with the first trimester, and it’s been almost nothing but worry or trying not to think about it.  I’m a week away from 12 weeks when we can make an official announcement.  I can enjoy it now, right?

BTW is it sad that I’m somewhat excited about an official Facebook announcement?  Like if it’s on Facebook, then it’s real.  I know that my close friends and all my family know already, but I doubt that most of my Facebook friends follow my blog (although they have access to it if they would look).  So they have no idea.

Which is ok.  I know that when I wasn’t trying to have babies I didn’t care all that much about the offspring of the maybe 15-20% of my Facebook friends that had kids.  Like I was, I know people will be happy that I’m happy, but I don’t expect them to lose their minds because I reproduced.

So I plan on doing the “yeah, we kicked infertility’s ass, and are expecting our first kid”, but I don’t want to barrage them with daily symptoms or weekly updates on what sized fruit my kid is (which btw, is that weird to anyone else?  Like you can’t figure out how big 2 inches is so you have to compare it to food?  You don’t eat your kid.  Idk, it may just be me).  If that’s something you want to do, then awesome. It’s just not me.  Maybe because statistically I have to have other infertile friends, and I know how much it sucks to see that stuff in your news feed.  I don’t want to remind them time after time what they don’t have.  So I’ll tell people that they can come to this blog for updates and leave it at that.

I guess I’m just particularly mindful of other infertiles because there’s been so much loss and worry in my reader lately.  There were so many bloggers that were getting IVF, FET, or IUIs around the same time I did, and I was happy to see how many of us were getting positive results.  As the last of us were reaching the 8 week mark, we started losing.  If you have a little time you might want to give some love and thoughts (or prayers if that’s your thing) to Unaffected at her blog, mothernatureshmature at her blog, and lots of positive vibes to Mo at her blog who has to have surgery to keep her cervix closed so that she can keep her baby boy.  I can’t begin to understand what these women are going through.  My heart breaks for them.

I feel so blessed that I have a strong baby in me.  When I actually take the time to think about it and accept that we are indeed having this baby, I just sob.  I tried for so long not to get attached because I knew I could be weeks or days from losing it.  Now when I let myself, that emotion is so overwhelming.

To think about my life now.  Where my life is going.  What this baby means to DH and me.  I just can’t explain.  I never thought I could have this life filled with so much love and happiness.  It’s just amazing.

Ok, I guess I’ve rambled on enough.  To wrap up, my nausea is starting to go away (yeah!), I need to get back on a diet (ugh), I’ll see the midwife again in four weeks, and hopefully a week after that we’ll learn the sex (ah!).  Lots of good things coming, and I’m going to just try to enjoy it.