I had my appointment with the midwife this morning. She performed a basic physical, and we also went ahead and did a pap smear. I’m due for my yearly in March and I have a history of abnormal paps, so I just figured we better be safe than sorry.
We also tried to get the heartbeat on the doppler. After she couldn’t get it after a while, she tried to push my uterus up closer to abdomen. While she was “in” there she noticed that my uterus was a bit retroverted, meaning that it’s tipped backwards instead of forwards. It was likely like this since I started menstruation, and could be why I had such bad dysmenorrhea. It also explains why I haven’t really had any urges to pee all the time, it’s pushing against my spine not my bladder. Other than that, it’s not really a problem. It doesn’t cause infertility, and only very rarely does it cause miscarriage. As the baby grows it will fix itself, and there are even some exercises I can do to help it.
The midwife doesn’t seemed worried, so I’m not going to be either. After she pushed my uterus up we heard the heartbeat. Nice and strong, and everything looks great.
I’m ready to start enjoying this pregnancy. I’m almost done with the first trimester, and it’s been almost nothing but worry or trying not to think about it. I’m a week away from 12 weeks when we can make an official announcement. I can enjoy it now, right?
BTW is it sad that I’m somewhat excited about an official Facebook announcement? Like if it’s on Facebook, then it’s real. I know that my close friends and all my family know already, but I doubt that most of my Facebook friends follow my blog (although they have access to it if they would look). So they have no idea.
Which is ok. I know that when I wasn’t trying to have babies I didn’t care all that much about the offspring of the maybe 15-20% of my Facebook friends that had kids. Like I was, I know people will be happy that I’m happy, but I don’t expect them to lose their minds because I reproduced.
So I plan on doing the “yeah, we kicked infertility’s ass, and are expecting our first kid”, but I don’t want to barrage them with daily symptoms or weekly updates on what sized fruit my kid is (which btw, is that weird to anyone else? Like you can’t figure out how big 2 inches is so you have to compare it to food? You don’t eat your kid. Idk, it may just be me). If that’s something you want to do, then awesome. It’s just not me. Maybe because statistically I have to have other infertile friends, and I know how much it sucks to see that stuff in your news feed. I don’t want to remind them time after time what they don’t have. So I’ll tell people that they can come to this blog for updates and leave it at that.
I guess I’m just particularly mindful of other infertiles because there’s been so much loss and worry in my reader lately. There were so many bloggers that were getting IVF, FET, or IUIs around the same time I did, and I was happy to see how many of us were getting positive results. As the last of us were reaching the 8 week mark, we started losing. If you have a little time you might want to give some love and thoughts (or prayers if that’s your thing) to Unaffected at her blog, mothernatureshmature at her blog, and lots of positive vibes to Mo at her blog who has to have surgery to keep her cervix closed so that she can keep her baby boy. I can’t begin to understand what these women are going through. My heart breaks for them.
I feel so blessed that I have a strong baby in me. When I actually take the time to think about it and accept that we are indeed having this baby, I just sob. I tried for so long not to get attached because I knew I could be weeks or days from losing it. Now when I let myself, that emotion is so overwhelming.
To think about my life now. Where my life is going. What this baby means to DH and me. I just can’t explain. I never thought I could have this life filled with so much love and happiness. It’s just amazing.
Ok, I guess I’ve rambled on enough. To wrap up, my nausea is starting to go away (yeah!), I need to get back on a diet (ugh), I’ll see the midwife again in four weeks, and hopefully a week after that we’ll learn the sex (ah!). Lots of good things coming, and I’m going to just try to enjoy it.