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Monthly Archives: February 2012

It’s a…


 BOY! BOY! BOY!  How?  How have we been so blessed?  So lucky? Getting pregnant on our first attempt with Morula eggs.  Then I get what I was so desperately hoping for.  A BOY!!!!

I still am amazed what they can tell on the ultrasounds.  I kept having her check because I knew the umbilical cord was just above it, and I wanted to be sure.  She kept coming up with boy.  I just started crying.

It seems like a dream.  I’m so excited.  I can’t wait to go shopping!  DH told me that he better not come home to a bunch of baby stuff.  I told him I would wait until tomorrow 😉

My family is so excited.  My mom is elated.  It’s her first grandson.  She’s sad that she couldn’t be there, but she’s going to set up an ultrasound for me when I go back to Cincy in April.  I can’t wait for her to see.

Everything is looking good.  The baby is already getting long.  He’s (HE!) constantly moving.  Sucking his thumb, clapping his hands, and waving.  He’s such a funny baby.  As soon as she got the first penis shot he quickly tucked his feet under him.  “That’s enough.  Quit poking me!”

We also got a quick peek at the 3D, although this picture doesn’t do it justice:

It’s also still so early.  You could see all the features, but I don’t know if it really looked like either one of us yet.  It looks like a normal 18 week baby.  So incredible though!

So there he is.  Our boy!  We’re about 90% sure that the name is going to be Jasper.  It’s the only one we can really agree on.



PAIL: Parenting/Pregnant After Infertility and Loss

Elphaba over at Alice in Diaperland has started a wonderful network of bloggers called PAIL or Parenting/Pregnant After Infertility and Loss.

The IF blogging community is a wonderful place, but once you’ve “graduated” to the other side you can often feel a little lost.  You want to continue to blog about what is going on with your life, but you don’t want to offend those who are still suffering.  Like I’ve mentioned before though, I feel like we’re just in “infertile remission”.  So it’s not something that I’m not just going to stop dealing with.

I’m really excited about this, and can’t wait to make new connections.  If this sounds like something you would like to be involved with, go here to sign up.  Big thanks to Elphaba for putting all this together!


I have a confession to make.  There is something I’ve done that I haven’t wanted to talk about, but I think it’s about time to put it out there.

Ok, here goes….

For the past month or so, there has been a baby car seat in my car.

I work with a lady who’s baby just turned one, and got too big for her car seat.  So she was willing to sell it to me on the cheap.  How could I pass it up?

So why is this such a secret?  Well for IFers to buy a major piece of baby thingies is a big deal.  It feels like it’s challenging fate.  Like everything has been going so well that if I just try to go with the flow something bad will happen.

I’m at the point that I feel like I can’t help myself now.  I’ve only bought some baby and home birth books so far.  I received a blanket and picture frame from family over Christmas.

Oh, and I did pick out the crib I wanted this past weekend.  Apparently you have to order that stuff early.  How much longer can I really put this stuff off?

I want to enjoy this, and I feel like when I find out the sex in a week or so there won’t be any holding back.  I’ve had the car seat for a while now, so is that a good sign?

Ok, so why the confession now?  Well, I made a purchase today that made me want to share it with the world.

It’s a book called ‘What Makes a Baby‘.  Ok well it’s not made yet.  The author is asking for funding through Kickstarter, but he’s already made his goal so I’m guessing it’s a go.  Why fund it?  Well for a $30 pledge, I get a copy of the book.  Plus, hopefully we’ll be showing others that books like this need to be made.

What makes this book so baller?  Well it’s “a modern picture book about where babies come that it fits for every kind of family and every kind of kid”.  It’s going to talk about babies made from IVF, adoption, surrogates, etc.

I’ve often wondered how we’re going to tell our child how they were born.  I don’t want to lie to them, but I don’t want them to feel like something is wrong with them because they were a test tube baby.  So I’m really excited about this book.

Please click the link and check it out.  You can make as little as a $1 donation and help support non-traditional families and children.  Thank you!


Mo Love

It seems like everyone in the community knows Mo at Mommy Odyssey.

As many of us keep reading in our reading lists, Mo’s water broke at 22 weeks and of what I’m still hearing they are waiting to see if it will refill itself.  It’s not promising though.

I can’t imagine what she must be going through.  My heart is breaking for her and her family.  Just two weeks from fetal viability.  It’s not fair.  No one deserves this, but especially not Mo who’s been through too much already.

Please send her your thoughts, prayers, vibes, or whatever you can.  You can send her a message of love here.


And Now For Something Completely Different

Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in infertility and babies that it can put a real strain on our relationships.  We should take the time to appreciate our loved ones every day, but when you’re loaded with hormones sometimes it’s not easy.  I’m kind of glad that Valentine’s has landed where it has because it feels like a great day and time to reflect on how this all began.

DH and I first met through an online dating sight.  He found me.  We emailed for a few days, and then he asked for my number.  He asked me to our first date the very first time he called me.

I was really apprehensive to even go.  It seemed like it was really quick, and I really didn’t think that I wanted to date someone who was 8 years older than I was.  As that Tuesday night approached, I finally decided to go.

I walked into the crowded bar, and found him saving me a seat.  We said our hellos, he pushed a piece of paper and pencil at me, and then he asked me, “are you ready?”  I had no clue what he was talking about.  He then informed me that it was Trivia Night.

I’m pretty sure I instantly fell in love that very second.

We played trivia, we talked, and at the end of the night he asked me if I wanted to meet his dog, Yoshi.  Smooth right?  I went though, and I pretty much never left after that.

Yoshi. He Doesn't Do Much, but He is Cute.

A year later we were vacationing in Gatlinburg, TN.  The last day of our trip he woke me up at 4 am and told me to dress warm.  We drove around for about an hour, and then he stopped in a parking lot.  I asked him what we were doing, and he informed me that we were hiking straight up about half a mile.  Not a long way, but we’re not in super shape and I was not in the mood.

I complained the whole way.  What in the world was he doing to me?  We finally ended up atop Clingman’s Dome, the second highest peak east of the Mississippi.  It was pretty and peaceful, but after 15 minutes or so I was freezing and ready to move on.

DH kept poking about.  Then when we could finally see the sun coming up over the mountains, he finally asked me to marry him.  If he still wanted to ask me after all that whining, I knew I better get that ring on my finger quick.

I'm Cold but Engaged

Marriage for the both of us was a big deal.  We both came from broken families, and that was something neither of us ever wanted to experience again.  We took a full year and a half to tie the knot and although we didn’t have a traditional wedding, it was the best day of my life.

Married Geeks

  Dealing with the infertility has probably been the hardest on our relationship, but the bottom line is what we have is so special.  I didn’t even want kids before him.  I wanted kids because of him and the love we have for each other.

  He is so kind, funny, smart, and patient.  I don’t know why some women marry men to change them.  Through accepting who he was and loving every bit of it, I learned to accept and love myself.  I’ve never been so confident and free to be myself before him.  The amazing thing is that he loves me just how I love him.

I could have never imagined someone could love me the way he does.  He makes me laugh every day.  He has given me more than I could ask for, and has made me so happy.

  I want to have his child because there needs to be more people in the world like him.  I never thought I would experience or deserved love like this.  I’m so blessed to have him and his baby growing in me.

  That’s what Valentine’s is all about, Charlie Brown 😉

Infertile Remission

I wish that I had more exciting things to update you on, but we really have become a boring couple.  I promise that there will be a lot more in the coming months.  It’s just the calm before the storm.

The monthly midwife appointment went well.  We easily got the baby’s heartbeat, so I’m not worried that the tilted uterus is going to be an issue.  Everything is coming along well.

I haven’t had this issue yet, but for the last couple of weeks I’ve really been getting some bad mood swings.  Well, I don’t know if I would call it mood swings as much as easily being upset.  The slightest thing can send me into tears or put me quickly in an irritated or depressed mood.

I’ve gotten to the point that I can’t read pregnancy message boards anymore.  There are probably only 10% of posts that are worth reading.  There is just so much ignorance in the world, and it seems to compile there.

Then speaking of ignorance, there’s all the talk of IVF in the media.  Newt Gingrich said that he would be willing to make it illegal.  Reading comments on stories like this send me up a wall.

Somehow by having to create life through IVF, we didn’t do it by “god’s way” or some nonsense.  That somehow because we were infertile it was their god’s wish, and that we should “just adopt anyway”.

Now first of all, I’ve hinted before on this blog, but I didn’t want to make it a huge issue.  My DH and I are atheists.  We don’t care if or what you believe.  We’re not interested in your beliefs, that’s your business.  What I do mind is when you stick your beliefs in my business.

If you think your infertility is god’s wish, that he has punished you, and that he will send you to hell if you conceive through IVF then don’t get one.  But we live in a country that was founded on religious freedoms.  I can choose what to do with my reproduction free of the religious persecutions of others.  I find it frightening that so many ignorant judgmental zealots who want limited government don’t mind complete government control of women’s health.

I wonder if these people are just as comfortable telling cancer patients that its god’s wish that they have this horrid disease?  By their logic with infertility they should refuse treatment and “just die”.  Infertility is a disease.  Somehow it’s just become viewed as this non-disease that is somehow god’s business rather than a doctor’s.

Also, there is no “just” in adoption or infertility.  Anyone who utters the words “just adopt” should be legally made to first say, “in my ignorant opinion”.  It shows complete ignorance in understanding the issues or process of adoption, not to mention infertility in general.

The choice to adopt isn’t one you can “just” make.  It’s very serious.  Some like to say that to chose IVF over adoption is selfish.  If it is, then why would you want a selfish person to be forced to adopt a child they don’t believe they will be happy with?  How is that fair to the child?  Just because you are infertile doesn’t mean that you were meant to adopt, just as those who are fertile aren’t always meant to have children (Casey Anthony, maybe?).

Bottom line though is that our journey to a child is my DH and mine alone.  Just because you “think” (because you never know what you would chose unless you were really faced with it) you would chose another path doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone.  I’m not saying that adoption isn’t a good thing or that people shouldn’t do it.  I’m saying that you shouldn’t assume that just because someone is infertile that they are a good candidate for adoption.

Ugh, I hate these negative feelings.  I hate being upset or letting things weigh on and affect me.  I hate the ups and downs of this roller coaster.  By that I don’t strictly mean pregnancy.  I may not like it at times, but I wouldn’t change a thing.  I also mean the infertility journey.  Just because you become pregnant doesn’t mean you stop being infertile.

I’m just in infertile remission I guess.  It doesn’t mean that it’s not something that I won’t have to deal with the rest of my life.  It doesn’t mean that I won’t always be concerned with the legislative issues of infertiles and want justice for all those who deserve a family.

But it also doesn’t mean that it always has to weigh on me.  I did see this today and it made me smile:

  My baby is getting so big.  I’ll be able to find out the sex in just a couple of weeks.  I can’t wait!  I want to post about ideas for the nursery, cute outfits, and endlessly weigh over which strollers or cribs to get.  These are good and happy things, and we’re so blessed to be able to have them.