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Monthly Archives: March 2012

What the What?!?

Just when I think I can take a breath, I got thrown for a bit of a loop the last couple of days.

First, we’re still negotiating things out with the sellers.  We got the roof inspected, and although it’s not bad there’s about $720 worth of work that needs to be done to make sure it lasts another 6 years.  So the only repairs we asked was for the roof, and some broken slats in the fence.  They came back saying they would fix the slats, but that they aren’t doing any more repairs.

We were kind of expecting this because we locked them in a contract pretty quickly, and then they started receiving lots of offers.  They figured out that we got quite a deal, and aren’t budging anymore.  I can’t blame them, but I hate all these games you have to play.  The Realtor is going to ask them for at least $500 in repairs, and see what they say.  If they say no, we’ll just go with what they’ve offered.

I just want to be done with negotiations and know that we’re moving forward.  I know they can’t get out of the contract unless we can’t get financing, but that’s not going to happen.  I just want to know I have my house, and I know where my baby is going to be born.

Next, a couple of days ago we got the word that DH’s paternal grandmother is in the hospital.  From last I heard, they think she has some water on her lungs due to heart problems.  They’re still running tests, and she’ll be in the hospital for a few more days.  It just concerns me because my paternal grandmother went through the same thing, and wasn’t with us for much longer.

I don’t know if I’m just weird when it comes to all this stuff.  I have three grandparents that have passed.  Although you always want them to stay, all of them had failing health and I didn’t want them to suffer anymore.  Just because I don’t believe in any religion’s idea of god doesn’t mean I don’t believe that there can’t be some state of being after death that isn’t more incredible than we can imagine.

I absolutely adore DH’s grandmother.  She hated that DH took my last name, but that’s what you expect from the strong southern matriarch.  We want her here to meet the baby, but I don’t want her to be in anymore pain.  It’s hard that we’re so far away.

Ok, so then yesterday I got a call from the lady that we were having our childbirth class with in June.  It turns out that not enough people have signed up, and she had to cancel it.  She gave me the web address for another class she recommended.  I went to check it out, and saw that it costs more than double her price.   I had a midwife appointment later that day, so I decided to ask them if they had any recommendations before I signed up.

At the midwives, everything was looking good and they suggested that I ask the class instructor if she would be willing to do a one-on-one session.  Then she went to measure my belly.  For those who may not know, they measure from the top of your pelvic bone to the top of the uterus.  It should measure in cm the same as how many weeks you are.  So I was exactly 23 weeks, and should measure 23 cm.

She took a measurement.  Felt around my belly a bit longer, and then said she was going to bring another midwife in.  Oh, no bueno.  The other midwife came in and felt around.  She told my midwife that she was sure that she was right, and they then told me that the baby was measuring big.  Through all my ultrasounds the baby was always measuring right on, so I asked, “so is he like a week or two bigger?”  They told me he’s measuring at 29 weeks!  6 weeks early!  Since we had an IVF, there’s no arguing the due date.

She went on to tell me that it might be nothing.  That he could just be big now and then even out, that I may just be carrying a lot of amniotic fluid, or that it might actually be twins…..WHAT THE WHAT?!?  I told her that I’ve had so many ultrasounds that I was pretty sure that wasn’t the case, but she wanted to send me to get another ultrasound.

She sent off an order at a prenatal doctors, but warned me that they were expensive if we didn’t have insurance.  We did, so I didn’t think much of it.  When I got home, I called them and made the appointment.  Because I am measuring so big they want me to see the actual doctor.  So I won’t be going in until Monday.

I checked our benefits online an sure enough, the doctor is in our preferred list but we have to meet our deductible first.  We’re not even close.  I just got a call from the doctor and they informed me that the $525 bill would be due at the time of the appointment.

Great.  We were trying to be so good about not spending any money because we’re buying a house (which we’ll need about $2,000 for repairs, money for more furniture, plus moving expenses and who knows what else), and now all these crazy things start popping up.

DH tells me that we’re fine, but money stresses me out.  $500 for an ultrasound that will probably be for nothing?  That just seems too much for me, but you have to do it because there’s a ‘what if’.  I know that babies are supposed to be expensive, but don’t they have to come out of my vajayjay first?!?  I did hear from the childbirth class teacher, and she is willing to do a one-on-one class.  So that should save us a bit.

I need to get over it.  There are some couples who have shelled out a lot more money, and still don’t have a baby to show for it. I”m sure they would give any amount to have what we have.  I need to quit sweating the small stuff.  Things could always be worse, so be thankful for what we do have.  We’re in a great place in our lives

Should I be more worried about the baby?  I don’t feel so.  He’s so active.  The midwife could hear the heart beat, but he wouldn’t stay still long enough for her to get a heart rate count.  I really don’t think it’s twins.  So I think it’s either a lot of amniotic fluid, or he’s just big right now (which will hopefully even out).  The first thing I think my mother said when she heard we were pregnant and doing a home birth was, “but DH’s head is so big!”  I also think it’s odd because I haven’t gained any weight in the last month.  So is the baby gaining weight while I’m losing?  What’s going on in there?

I guess we’ll find out, but I’m not going to worry about it until we have all the information.  Until then I’m just going to enjoy that we’re less than a week away from that awesome week 24, and my baby is kicking and hopefully eating like a hog.  I just hope I don’t have to push a Jimmy Neutron out my whooha.

Kickstart My Heart

Sorry that I’ve been such a bad blogger.  I always seem to keep myself busier when I don’t have a job than when I do.

I’m so excited to say that our offer was accepted on the house, and now we’re just busy with inspections and paperwork.  Everyone from our Realtor (who seriously rocks my socks.  I LOVE her), Inspector, and Lender are impressed with the house and the price we got it at.  So that makes us even more excited about it.

Right now we’re waiting on what the roofer says, and then we’ll go to the seller with any requests for repairs.  It doesn’t appear that it will be much, but we don’t want to sign off on our option period until we get a full inspection of the roof.

Even if everything goes well, we won’t be closing until the end of April, and then they are leasing back the house at least until mid-May.  We still have our apartment until the end of May.  So hopefully everyone will be happy and everything will go smoothly.

I’m eager to get in, but I will be in Cincy the last week of April thru the first week of May.  So that will make things go a bit quicker, and maybe DH will have everything packed by then….A girl can dream.

Mom sent out the shower invitations this week.  I had her send me one, and I was so happy with how they turned out.   Here’s the sample they have online.

It’s going to be a forest themed shower, and I’m really excited to see what my family will have in store for me.  It’s such a different experience from my wedding because other than picking the theme, I’m pretty hands off.  I’m more than happy to, and I know they’ll do a great job.  I’m excited that I’ll be spending a bit more time with my family and friends than I was able to over Christmas.

Until then I’m busy packing a few things, and getting the apartment ready to move and show.  I haven’t been able to do a good clean since before I started working.  I know I’m crazy, but it I feel such satisfaction from de-cluttering and giving the whole house a good polish.

I’m happy to have the time to fix meals like I used to too.  Fresh baked breads and meals, rather than freezer meals.  Maybe not always what the midwife wants me to eat, but I feel like a better wife when I can make my husband a big Sunday brunch.

I actually haven’t gained any weight in the last month, but I know that’s all going to change in the next week or two when the baby’s weight starts to double.  I feel like I’m already so big though.  I have my next midwife appointment Thursday, so we’ll see what she says.

We’re just a little over a week from viability, but we’ve hit a really exciting point.  Even as I’m typing, baby is kicking like crazy.  They’re getting a lot stronger, and DH can start to slightly feel them from the outside.

I start to feel them in the afternoons, and he’ll usually kick where I poke at my belly.  He’ll really move around if I start to talk excitedly to him.  It’s funny because it makes me jump every time he gives me a good kick.  It’s just so exciting.  I’ll usually keep feeling them well into bed time.  Baby likes to sleep in…for now.

I just love being pregnant.  Probably because this has been a pretty easy pregnancy so far, other than my carpal tunnel getting worse.  I’m enjoying it though.  Not to mention people are so much nicer to pregnant women.  I’ve never had so many men open doors for me.

Things are so different from a year ago.  We have so many blessings and things to be thankful for.  It could all change, but the last thing I want to do is live in fear.   Things are good, and I’m happy letting myself be happy.

Moving On (Hopefully)

Earlier this week was my last day at work.  I’m relieved as we have a lot of other stuff going on, and now I can spend time focusing on it.  Time to be that stay at home mom we had planned on me being 2 years ago.

We met with our realtor Monday night, and her and I went to look at about 12 houses yesterday.  We found one that we really liked, so she stopped by later that night and we drew up an offer.  It may seem really quick, but houses around here don’t last long.  If it’s a good one, you grab it up.

The owners put it on the market a few days ago, and went on vacation.  They get back tonight, so I’m not really expecting to hear anything until tomorrow.  I like the house, but I’m trying to stay emotionally uninvested since you just don’t know what’s going to happen.  Wish us luck though.

Nothing too much to tell on the baby front.  My Mom got the shower invitations in this week, and I can’t wait to see how they turned out.  I’m not looking forward to traveling, but I’m excited to see friends and family that I haven’t seen in four months.

We had some gnarly storms come through Texas a couple of nights ago.  The constant thunder was so loud that it didn’t just wake us up, but the baby was kicking me.  I guess we were interrupting his beauty sleep.  Some of his kicks are getting stronger, which is exciting but he seems to focus on my insides instead of kicking out.  I’m just eager for DH to start feeling him.

Sorry there’s not much else to tell.  We’re just busy moving on up.  Hope you’re having a great start to your Spring!

Week 21 Goings Ons and Look at My Belly

First I want to thank everyone who read and gave advise on my Breastfeeding post.  Also to those who participated with their own posts.  I learned so much, have a lot to think about, but feel so much more confident about going forward.  This was the kind of experience I was hoping for when joining PAIL, and I’m happy and thankful for it.

In other news, there’s lots going on in the Geeks’ world.  We were approved for a loan, and will be meeting with our realtor next week to get the ball rolling on buying our first house!  I’m excited (probably naively).  I’m ready to have a more permanent place, prepare the nursery, and actually have an idea of where I’m going to be popping this baby out.

This may be really hectic to have to do when pregnant, but (don’t tell DH this) I’m so relieved that I don’t have to physically move boxes.  Knowing that this was impending we’ve been spending most of our weekends packing things we knew we wouldn’t be using for the next couple of months.  DH will probably pack a lot more when I’m in Cincy for two weeks at the end of April.  He apparently feels I pack “inappropriately”.  Fine by me.

Because there’s so much that’s coming up (house hunting, baby shower in Cincy in April, Anniversary in May, moved by end of May, babymoon and birthing classes in June, and baby in July) I went ahead and just put in my two weeks last week.  I’m ready to get it over with and be the happy little homemaker again.  My focus hasn’t been there for weeks.

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So a few posts ago I talked about how I’ve been looking and feeling lately.  I talked about loving your body although you may not feel like you’ve been looking your best.  I feel a little like I need to put my money where my mouth is.

I’ve been taking baby bump photos since Week 6 (with a break on Week 9-10 because we were traveling for Christmas), and I haven’t posted any of them.  Not just because I think I look fat (I am), but because we take them just before bed.  I’m in my pjs, tired as heck, and I just look rougher than usual.

Also, there’s the issue of the horrid picture quality.  I have familial tremors, so just taking a clear picture of myself in a mirror is almost impossible.  So the task is up to DH, who HATES being in or taking pictures.  He doesn’t care about lighting or continuity between pictures, and there’s only so much I can push because he doesn’t want the task to last more than two minutes.

So I guess I’m saying, please take all this in account and be gentle:

Week 6. Sorry for the terrible lighting.

The first baby bump picture.  I lost 15 pounds to be able to do the IVF and I’m about 210 here.  Sad that this looks skinny to me now.  Picture was taken on my Android.  We continue this for a couple more weeks until we tire of the cruddy quality.

Week 16

So this is now the “uniform” we’ve decided on, and we finally moved to an actual camera.  DH needs to learn a bit about “dead space” though.  Starting to fill out a bit.

Week 18

Pop Pop!  I feel this is where the bump starts to pop out.

Week 21

So here’s where we are now, about 16 pounds later.  Complete with my nerd glasses.  DH is getting pretty good with the continuity, but it does take me a minute to get used to enjoying these pictures.  I just keep telling myself, I’ll regret it if I don’t have these later.  I feel I look cuter when I’m in actual maternity clothes (which I’m finding I’m needing a lot more of lately).

Like This! Much Better!

Ok, so I put it out there.   I’ll make a page on here with bump photos and keep them updated every few weeks.  So all you adorable skinny girls with your cute little bumps, enjoy it and feel beautiful because you are.

To Suffer Happily

A friend of mine texted me the other day asking how the baby and I were doing.  I said well although I had a case of carpal tunnel pop up.  “Carpal tunnel?!?,” she replied.

I haven’t really talked much about pregnancy related symptoms I’ve been having.  I guess part of it is the whole, “infertiles don’t complain once they get pregnant” and another part of it is simply that I was always taught it was wrong or rude to complain.  You know, suck it up and walk it off.  Why make other people feel uncomfortable just because you are?  Not that I’m saying this is the right way to handle things, but that’s what I was drilled into my head.

I mentioned it to my friend as more of a funny thing.  Look at this crazy symptom I would get from pregnancy.

Although the first trimester wasn’t super fun, I think I didn’t have it too bad.  I was nauseous and exhausted all the time, but I never did throw up and I survived.

The second trimester has more shifted from how I feel symptoms to how I look.  My belly finally popped at about week 18, and since I was already fat (not like oh, I’m 10 pounds overweight fat.  Like for real fat) I now feel like a land whale.  On my weekly walks with one of my friends I mentioned that I now feel like the belly leads, I just follow.

When I was a teenager I maybe had one pimple a month.  People used to call me “the china doll” and “porcelain skin”.  Long gone are these days my friend as my chin area now looks like a war zone.  It’s never ending.  As soon as one batch looks like it’s ready to exit, I feel the next ready to burst underneath the skin.

How does all this make me feel?  For maybe a second I sigh to myself and think, “sucks”, but then I just remind myself about how I feel about stretchmarks.

When I hear a lot of women talk about stretchmarks they are mortified to think of what their life would be like with them.  I don’t really remember my life without them.  I told you I was fat.  I’ve always been fat.  I’ve yo yoed from the 190s when I was a high school senior, to the 160s through college, and then ballooned up to 240 right before I met my husband.  I’ve always had stretchmarks.  On my arms, breasts, stomach, and thighs.

Here’s what I’ve learned about stretchmarks:  No one cares.  I’ve never experienced one person saying anything about my stretchmarks.  No boy that ever chased after me, dated, or may or may not have had a one night stand with has ever said anything about my stretchmarks.  It just seems like the only people who care about their stretchmarks are the women trying to avoid them.  Has maybe some person said something about my stretchmarks behind my back?  Sure, but what do I care about that person?

So if I never let stretchmarks negatively affect how I feel about myself, why should I let a pregnant belly or some acne?  They are symptoms of a wonderful thing that is happening inside my body.  When I think of that, I feel beautiful.  My husband thinks I’m beautiful.  I can’t imagine being happier right now.

I explained to my text friend that during pregnancy your blood flow doubles, causing swelling in the body.  For me, it’s in the wrists causing the nerves to be pinched and creating carpal tunnel.  It’s only bothersome when I first wake up as I’ve been sleeping on or cupping my wrists all night.   “Hot mess,” she replied to me.  I told her “I suffer happily”.

Maybe not every woman does, and I think infertile or not we’re all allowed to admit things aren’t all unicorns farting rainbows.  I just think we also owe it to ourselves to not let it get us down and enjoy the amazing things our bodies are doing, FINALLY!  So if you want to slather yourself in lotion to avoid stretchmarks, go right ahead.  If you do get some though, don’t let it get you down, sister.  You’re still beautiful.

Half Way There

We are 20 weeks today!  I can’t believe we’re half way through.  It still seems so surreal.  Then only 4 weeks until fetal viability, and 6 until the third trimester.

Sometimes I think maybe I should be more guarded.  We’ve all heard the stories of those who lost just before viability.  Having been lucky to have never miscarried (or be pregnant before for that matter), I just can’t help but get caught up in feeling that this is actually going to happen.  I guess I just naively am hellbent on enjoying this rather than fearing.

There was really no holding me back once we found out the sex.  I spent the rest of the day pouring through the Baby Bargains book and putting together a list of not only what we wanted to register for, but exactly what brands and products to register for.

DH and I spent all night deciding what would ultimately be the theme of the nursery.  Every revolved around it.  We’re having the baby shower a bit early because I have to fly to Cincy to have it, and you can’t fly after the 28th week.  So I needed to know what our nursery would look like so that I can put together the theme of baby shower and get the invitations.  I’m a bit crazy, I know.

Anyway, if you care about those kinds of things we decided to go with Lamb and Ivy’s Enchanted Forest:

Of course we pick the only bedding that isn’t available in stores yet.  So we decided since we live far away from family anyway, and most items will probably be shipped that we would register on Amazon, and then BabiesRus as a physical store for people to go to.  I would really have preferred BuyBuyBaby, but the only one close to my Cincy people is about a 30 minute drive.  Not that far, but my Northern KY people would have to go into Ohio.  Seriously, unless you live there you have no idea what a big deal that is for some people.

Anyway, so I was in BabiesRus the next morning with complete list in hand.  I had one lady who in no way looked pregnant (I feel I look like a land whale) being helped ahead of me.  When the guy was done with her, she turned around and said to me, “Gosh, I don’t know where to start.”  I just looked at her and said, “I made a list of exactly what I need.”  It may have been a bit bitchy, but I’ve waited long enough for this and I’m not playing.  There was also a woman there with her mom and sister in tow.  They would take up complete aisles going back and forth on what they would register for.  They just stared at me as I would come to an aisle, sweep a look, scan what I needed, checked it off my list, and moved on.  Again, homey don’t play.

As militant as it sounds, it was fun for me (although exhausting).  I just don’t function like that.  I have terrible anxiety, and I just know how to manage it.  I need a plan.  I make it, I stick to it, and then I don’t worry about it.

It wasn’t until a day after or so after basking in the satisfaction that I had it all done that I thought to myself, “what did you just do?”  Would it turn out to be a mistake?  Was I too naive to register this early?  To actually relax and enjoy this for once?

We’ve been really lucky with everything that happened.  I can’t expect that luck to last all the way through, but I can’t allow myself to be afraid throughout this pregnancy.  I don’t think I ever heard one woman who had a miscarriage say that they regretted having their child.  So even if he is destined to stay with us for only a little while, I want it to be a happy time.

I’m going to talk to him, sing to him, buy him cute outfits (Old Navy had good stuff on Clearance!), and love him.   I just feel I owe it to him no matter what happens.  Only 20 more weeks to go (hopefully)!

PAIL: Breastfeeding

So this month’s topic for PAIL is breastfeeding.  I am planning on breastfeeding, but I’m sad to say that I am still a little ignorant about the whole thing.  I mean, I get the basics.  Nipple + baby mouth = breastfeeding.  I know that it’s not always that easy though.

I’m very lucky that the nurse at my fertility clinic is also a lactation consultant.  She actually just took a job at a local hospital to revamp their breastfeeding initiative.  Apparently only less than 20% of all the new moms leaving the hospital are breastfeeding.  It seems like it’s a vicious cycle of moms frustrated and unknowing what to do, and nurses pushing formula because they want the baby to eat NOW.  More reasons I hope our home birth works out.  I’m surprised by the low number though.  I don’t know why more mother’s wouldn’t want to breastfeed if they are able.

“Just put in your mind now that you are never going to use formula,” she said to me when I started chatting her up yesterday.  I told her that was the plan, and although I’m really looking forward to it I’m still not sure what to expect.

“I mean, it’s just weird.  Nothing’s ever come out of these things.  No one teaches you about this.  This sound’s really stupid, but does like a hole appear and it comes out of that, or does it come out of multiple holes,” I asked her.  I told you I was painfully ignorant.

Bless her, she said it wasn’t a stupid question (sure) but that it does come out of about 10 holes called “lactation pores”.  She also said not to get discouraged right away because the milk doesn’t really come in well until about 3 days after birth.  She then asked me how far along I was (half way on Thursday!), and said, “Oh, great.  20 weeks is typically when you start to see Colostrum, and you may start leaking!”  Awesome….

It wasn’t until later that night at home that I began thinking about my breasts.  They did get a little fuller looking at the beginning of the pregnancy, but they really haven’t gotten any bigger.  I’m still in my normal bras.  I wonder if I should be worrying about this yet?  Is it kind of normal until I get later in the pregnancy?  Is everything working like it should in there?

I won’t worry about it until I ask her next time I see her.  Plus, we’ll be taking a childbirth class in June, and I hope to get more information there.  I just feel really blessed that I’ve somehow lucked out to get so many helpful people in my life when I moved cross country less than a year ago.  Its really taken so much stress out of this pregnancy.

In other boobie news, I have started putting some breastfeeding necessities on our registry (yes, we actually started one!  More on that later).  So far I’ve got the Medela Swing pump, Medela storage solution, nipple pads, breast lotion, Tommee Tippie bottles, Boppy pillow, and nursing wrap.  Is there anything else I need?  Ok, it’s probably already a lot anyway, but this is our first and probably only child and I think I can go a little crazy ;).

Well, I apologize that I’m not more knowledgeable on this topic, but I look forward to learning from the ladies who have been through this.  I’m excited about the experience though, having that bond with my baby.  Wish me luck!