We are 20 weeks today! I can’t believe we’re half way through. It still seems so surreal. Then only 4 weeks until fetal viability, and 6 until the third trimester.
Sometimes I think maybe I should be more guarded. We’ve all heard the stories of those who lost just before viability. Having been lucky to have never miscarried (or be pregnant before for that matter), I just can’t help but get caught up in feeling that this is actually going to happen. I guess I just naively am hellbent on enjoying this rather than fearing.
There was really no holding me back once we found out the sex. I spent the rest of the day pouring through the Baby Bargains book and putting together a list of not only what we wanted to register for, but exactly what brands and products to register for.
DH and I spent all night deciding what would ultimately be the theme of the nursery. Every revolved around it. We’re having the baby shower a bit early because I have to fly to Cincy to have it, and you can’t fly after the 28th week. So I needed to know what our nursery would look like so that I can put together the theme of baby shower and get the invitations. I’m a bit crazy, I know.
Anyway, if you care about those kinds of things we decided to go with Lamb and Ivy’s Enchanted Forest:
Of course we pick the only bedding that isn’t available in stores yet. So we decided since we live far away from family anyway, and most items will probably be shipped that we would register on Amazon, and then BabiesRus as a physical store for people to go to. I would really have preferred BuyBuyBaby, but the only one close to my Cincy people is about a 30 minute drive. Not that far, but my Northern KY people would have to go into Ohio. Seriously, unless you live there you have no idea what a big deal that is for some people.
Anyway, so I was in BabiesRus the next morning with complete list in hand. I had one lady who in no way looked pregnant (I feel I look like a land whale) being helped ahead of me. When the guy was done with her, she turned around and said to me, “Gosh, I don’t know where to start.” I just looked at her and said, “I made a list of exactly what I need.” It may have been a bit bitchy, but I’ve waited long enough for this and I’m not playing. There was also a woman there with her mom and sister in tow. They would take up complete aisles going back and forth on what they would register for. They just stared at me as I would come to an aisle, sweep a look, scan what I needed, checked it off my list, and moved on. Again, homey don’t play.
As militant as it sounds, it was fun for me (although exhausting). I just don’t function like that. I have terrible anxiety, and I just know how to manage it. I need a plan. I make it, I stick to it, and then I don’t worry about it.
It wasn’t until a day after or so after basking in the satisfaction that I had it all done that I thought to myself, “what did you just do?” Would it turn out to be a mistake? Was I too naive to register this early? To actually relax and enjoy this for once?
We’ve been really lucky with everything that happened. I can’t expect that luck to last all the way through, but I can’t allow myself to be afraid throughout this pregnancy. I don’t think I ever heard one woman who had a miscarriage say that they regretted having their child. So even if he is destined to stay with us for only a little while, I want it to be a happy time.
I’m going to talk to him, sing to him, buy him cute outfits (Old Navy had good stuff on Clearance!), and love him. I just feel I owe it to him no matter what happens. Only 20 more weeks to go (hopefully)!