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I’m Alive, but This Makes Me Sad…

Hey everyone!  Yes, I’m alive.  My trip to Cincy was great, and now we’re super busy getting ready to move into our house this Sunday!  Woop!  I have LOTS to tell, but I had to start with something that happened in our blogosphere while I was running around.

Many are aware of the PAIL drama.  Click here if you need a refresher.  I had hoped that all of it was behind us, but then I read this post from Elphaba.

It made me so sad to see that it had come to this.  I had read the original post that started it all, but never any comments.  I never will.  Partly because I can imagine the horrid personal attacks women can throw at someone they don’t even know when they can hide behind the anonymity of a computer screen.  Teenagers commit suicide over such bullying.  These are grown women.  It’s disgusting.

And over what?  An open blogroll that a group of women wished to start (poor El took the brunt of it because she was gracious enough to take on the duty of banding us all together)?  It is really ridiculous.  I guess we should have known better than to go outside the realm of the Queen who rules over all that is infertile.

Now no, I don’t know this lady.  I never really cared for her blog, and didn’t read much of it.  I’m not saying it’s bad and that others shouldn’t read it, I just didn’t.

I can’t judge her on what I don’t know.  What I do know is that her queendom was supposed to be a place that all infertiles could come and support each other.  Instead it became an open forum for ugly bullying and she did nothing to stop it.  That not a word would be said while her own people could make someone’s space a place of negativity is deplorable.

I understand that our blogs are a place to express the opinions that we have, but when you take on such a leadership role you have to accept the responsibilities that come with it.  Any attempts that were made to fix anything seemed more like ways to again promote her own site than to really make a healing effort.  I mean, how much healing was really done if El feels like she can’t even be in her own space anymore?  Shouldn’t that be the one person you focus on healing with?

So no, if that’s what the queendom is about I have no desire for it.  I have no regrets of trying to find somewhere else to find my support.  I’d rather have none at all then to support someone who supports bullying.  I don’t care for it, so I’m not going to be involved.  It’s really that simple.  I just wish more people would practice that.

No one made me feel this way but the actions of those involved.  I don’t do drama, and don’t care to be involved in nonsense.  My own morals and values just do not support bullying.  That’s how I feel, and I’m not saying that anyone else should feel this way.  We don’t have to like each other’s opinions or actions, but we don’t have to start a s@#t storm over it, and we certainly don’t have to bully each other over it.

I’m so sorry for El who was dragged through this.  She didn’t deserve any of that.  What she deserves is thanks for all that she has done.  I can’t blame her from wanting to step away.  After something like that, who among us wouldn’t?  I just hope that she continues her happiness at her new blog.  I’ll be reading!

I also really hope that this isn’t the complete end of PAIL.  I still believe in it.  El is looking for someone else to take over.  I wish I was organized enough to volunteer, but I know I’m not the right person.  If you think you’re up for it you can email her at

Blah, ok enough of that.  Lots of baby-shower-graceland-visiting-house-moving goodness coming up!


About babyandthegeeks

I'm just a 28 year old neurotic hippie/geek, and I'm just doing my thing.

3 responses »

  1. Thanks for writing this. It was exactly what I had been thinking but couldn’t find the words. Thanks for putting it out there I completely agree with everything you said!! Can’t wait to hear about the baby shower!!! Good luck moving!

  2. I agree with you 100%! I don’t read The Queen and didn’t find my place in this community through her so I didn’t feel the obligation to her that apparently so many others do and it really rubs me the wrong way that she took what El was doing so personally and like you said did nothing to try to heal the wound it left.

    Good luck moving!

  3. Well said. I am still so upset about what happened and was crushed when I saw E’s post earlier this week. I can’t say I blame her though. I know that people thought it would blow over, but I believe that the Queen caused an irreparable divide in the community with her angry, mean-spirited posts and her choice to let the comments fly out of control like they did. I think the community was left very broken and it will take a long time to put it back together – if it ever happens. I, too, have never been a fan of the Queen (she’s preachy, in my opinion) and found this community on my own, without her site. I won’t take direction from her or her followers on what I should, and should not, be a part of.

    And yes – if she is such a leader like she and her followers like to believe, then she should have set an example and not have let any of this happen. Yes – it’s her space – but as the self-proclaimed leader, she should have been professional and not used that space to bash one of the members of the community she thinks she single-handedly built.


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