First of all I want to thank so many people for commenting and sharing their stories on my last post. It really has helped. Every day gets better, the anger subsides, and although I’m not happy about what will most likely happen I am accepting it. Or am I?
I’ve been in contact with a sweet lady who has done a lot of research for me, and has a few recommendations of other OBs or Midwives that I can try to see. One midwife I had actually interviewed before and really liked, but ended up going with the midwife I’m with now I guess because I knew more people that had gone to her.
Here’s the thing though. I’m so close to my due date. Yes, I know that most first time moms go a lot longer, but although I can’t explain it, I just have a feeling it won’t be long after the due date. My brother was born a week early and I was only a few days late. I’ve been having all kinds of signs of impending labor. Cramps, diarrhea, pelvic pressure, crazy hormones giving me pimples and making my blood sugar levels rise a bit, nausea, and increased cervical mucus.
So should I just go with the plan, or should I keep seeking other options? Am I being lazy? A bad mom? I finally got my head wrapped around and to acceptance of this plan. I don’t know that my anxiety can handle any more changes, new plans, new doctors/midwives at this point. Part of me feels like a failure, but part of me is just at a point of f this I’m just ready to have my baby now.
Seriously, I’ve gotten so excited. My mom is here, he can now officially be a Leo (like his awesome mommy), and although I’ll miss being pregnant I’m ready to move past all this and have my baby in my arms. I’m so excited to see what he’ll look like, all his little features, to nurse him, dress him, cuddle him, and kiss him. I keep rubbing him and telling him it’s ok to come now.
Much to the disapproval of my husband. “No,” he tells him behind me, “you can wait another week.” “You can carry him then,” I say. He is definitely not at the point that I’m at yet. He’s excited, but I don’t think he’ll ever feel “ready”. “He has to wait until after your birthday,” he says. Which is Wednesday, the day before he’s due. Now while Leos are notoriously a little self centered and yes before I have said that I didn’t want him to be born on my birthday, I’m past that. We Leos also have no patience, and I want him now.
“You’re just ready to have carbs and sweets,” DH says. Well, yes. I’m tired of buying the expensive tests strips, poking myself four times a day, denying myself certain foods, and having to plan out everything that goes into my mouth. I have noticed though that as of two weeks ago, my numbers have been a bit wonky. Foods that would have never sent my numbers up suddenly were. I had two bad dinner numbers on the 11th and 12th, and then a bad fasting number on the 13th. Since then I’ve been super diligent, and have kept them down. Although the numbers haven’t been bad, they haven’t been as low as I could normally get them.
My midwife was out of town for my last appointment, so I told the fellow midwife that was seeing me for my weekly appointment. She said that it was probably my hormones, and to let them know if I go over anymore. I haven’t and thought nothing more about it. Until earlier this morning.
Side note: To try to save confusion I will say that there are 3 midwives in this practice. #1 is the one that was with me through the whole ECV thing. She is the main midwife in the practice, a negative nancy, and I really can’t stand her. #2 is my main midwife and I like her. #3 is the new midwife, and I really enjoy her.
So, it was midwife #3 I saw for that weekly appointment. This morning I got a call from #1….super. I knew she wasn’t just checking on me, so I asked her what she was calling for. The short version of the story is that she’s worried about my numbers (apparently had a dream about me) and wanted to call a doctor to see if they feel that I need to be put on medication.
What the what?!? Yes, I had a few bad numbers. 10 days ago! They’ve been fine since then. “Oh, I’m glad to hear that. That makes me feel better,” she says. Oh, I’m so glad for you. Thanks for calling and freaking me out about it 3 days before my due date. “Well it could have been related to the stress of the ECV,” she said. Sure, so it’s probably a good idea for you to be stressing me about it more. Are you serious? Aren’t you supposed to be midwives who advocate for natural pregnancy and births?!? I would understand if I couldn’t keep my numbers under control, but I have been. Why are you pushing drugs on me?
“Well I’m not concerned about his weight anymore,” she says. Halle-freaking-lujah! I’ve been trying to get you to get off that crap for months. Yes, my belly always measured big, but countless ultrasounds always showed that he was right on track. He’s not a big baby. “Now I’m just concerned about him being hypoglycemic. Do you know about this,” she asked. Uh, I have gestational diabetes. Don’t you think I did some research about it? Of course I know that we’re not only concerned about having a big baby, but also that it would cause him to have low blood pressure at birth. WTF?
So she told me she would call her doctor and ask his opinion and get back with me. Sure, whatever. “You’ve been doing so well,” she tells me before she hangs up. Duh, but you certainly haven’t been acting like it. I’m so done with this lady. I know I’ve had a lot of hurdles. My weight, the GD, the breech baby, but it’s nothing that I haven’t been able to tackle. The way she acts makes me wonder in these 30 years she’s been doing this has she really not dealt with anyone like me? Have you only been dealing with skinny granola hippies who have perfect pregnancies and births? Because I feel you’re over reacting about everything that has happened in my pregnancy. You act surprised when I’ve been doing what I’m supposed to and the baby is doing well.
Just, ugh. Done with it!
So now we’re just at a point of hurry up and wait. Everything is ready to go, but last Thursday we hit a bit of a snag. DH broke our only camera. Although we didn’t want to be making big purchases at this time, he was going to buy me a nicer camera for Christmas anyway. So we bought a Nikon D3200 that I’ve been excitedly playing with and been teaching DH and Mom to use it. Even if you’re not an experienced photographer, but want to start using a nicer camera I highly recommend it.
Other than that I’ve been trying to take as many walks as my body will allow, and having “cuddle” time with my husband. “You’re just using my body to induce labor,” he says in a vein attempt to deny me. Then I remind him that a c section will mean six weeks of denial for him. Poor thing. Enjoy it while you can.
That’s about it. I’m hoping that maybe the next post can be a birth story. OMG, I’m going to be a mommy! We’re so close to what we’ve been struggling for for two years. I’m ready!