Part of me is amazed how fast he’s growing, how much he’s changed, and cherishes these moments. Honestly though, there’s another part of me that can’t get these few months over fast enough.
I have a fussy baby. We are getting a bit more content time, but not really much at all. Its like he wants to be constantly stimulated, but nothing keeps his attention for long. The only thing that pacifies him is the breast.
Oh, my poor nipples. They’ve developed this thing now where about 20 minutes after feeding they get super hard and just hurt. It doesn’t last for long, but its not fun.
It’s rough. My life now is somewhere between boredom and frustration. I’m either stuck on the couch breastfeeding him for hours, or I’m trying to rush to pee or prepare meals while he’s crying. There’s not much in between.
He fights sleep except for in our bed. Its the only place he will really go down for longer than 10 minutes. This would be nice if it wasn’t for the fact that I can’t leave him alone in the bed. I’m sitting here beside him now. The only time I can find to write out this post.
I see so many of you posting all the time with your newborns, I see friends on FB taking their 2 month olds to the zoo or out for a picnic, and I’m completely jealous. I feel like we’ll never get to do any of it, and that I’m stuck here in this house.
We did have a few firsts this week. I took him into Wal.greens with me after his doctor appointment to get a couple of things. We were only in there for 5 minutes though, and he was screaming again by the time we got to the car. I also actually went out alone this weekend. Just to the store to try out another type of pacifier (will use it, but not for a long time), get some stamps to send out birth announcements, and pick up some lunch.
It was nice to get away for a bit, but I haven’t really built up a good stored breastmilk supply at home and hubby was using most of it up. He constantly feeds, so what time do I get to pump? I’ve now developed a system of feeding him from only one breast at night, and then pumping from the other every four hours so that I can get about two bottles.
DH and I also took him on a grocery run yesterday. We fed him a bottle and headed out. It was only 10 minutes or so before he was fussing again and I fed him another bottle. Then he was fussy again 20 minutes after that and was preparing for a good cry by the time we got to the checkout. So I took him to the car, and he actually was asleep by the time I got there. He woke up about 5 minutes later and screamed the entire way home. Needless to say, it scared me to do it by myself anytime soon.
Ugh, DH says that I should just go out and let him fuss and cry. Easy for him to say, but I just can’t be that person who’s baby cries the entire time they’re out somewhere. I really just don’t know what to do. I’ve tried to breastfeed him while he’s in the Mo.by, but can’t figure out how to do it without flashing boob.
I’m so grateful for this handsome little guy, I love him to pieces, but I feel like I can never make him happy. As much as it kills me to say this, I just can’t wait until this period is over with. How do people do this?
I don’t want to end this post on a negative note though. My baby is awesome. We both have our good days and bad days, but we’ll get through this. One month down!