Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I feel myself moving farther and farther away from this place. Oddly enough, because I feel like I’m moving away from what this blog was, and to somewhere completely different.
Like I don’t belong anymore. Not in a bad way, just in a very different way. I moved from infertile, to pregnant, to getting to the other side, but I still landed on an island separated from the “normals”.
I see all these other mothers and babies, and I can’t believe the different experience I’m having. Jasper is definitely high needs. He needs to be held all the time. If we do get any content time, he must be entertained by you the whole time. If these things are not done, he will go straight into melt down cry mode and will not stop until he is on the breast.
He mostly wants to be on the breast. He’s also getting lazy and giving me a shallow latch. This is causing nipple blanching which hurts like hell! He is starting to find his hands and start sucking, but he gets easily frustrated and starts to cry.
The only thing I’m so thankful he does do well is sleep. As long as he’s in our bed anyway. There are so many HN mommies who have to go through all this and not get any sleep. It would make anyone go crazy.
Anyway, I found a support group on FB, and I mostly spend my online time there. I know I could talk to any of you wonderful ladies about reproduction and normal baby behavior, but its just a place I feel I get great support when I ask, “How do you leave your house with the baby?” Note: biggest response I got was “we don’t”.
I feel so sorry for my baby that we’re cooped up in the house, but all he wants to do is be on the breast and if he doesn’t get that he just cries hysterically. We get short walks around the neighborhood, but its hot here in TX and we can’t go out at dusk because of the mosquitos and West Nile. He is crying by the time we get home though. I’m trying to learn how to carry him in the Mo.by and breastfeed at the same time, but it seems almost impossible to not suffocate him or flash boob at the same time.
Ugh, I know he’s healthy and happy if we keep to a strict routine. Wake, breastfeed, nap in bed, breastfeed, sleep in bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. Do not deviate from routine or prepare for wails.
I just worry that he’s not going to hit his milestones. So far he seems ok. He doesn’t get a lot of tummy time (because he hates it) except for on my belly. He can lift his head up a bit and move it from side to side, he focuses well and is starting to recognize us, he’s starting to suck his hand and fingers, and is even smiling at us (the best!). I just don’t want him to fall behind because he’s never content and seems to just sleep or breastfeed.
Sometimes I think he’s just too smart. It seems like he wants to crawl or talk or do all these big boy things, but he can’t. So he gets frustrated and melts down.
I don’t know. I just try to take it one day at a time. Some days are good. Some are bad. We’re just trying to figure out what works for us, and hope its best for him.
So I’m sorry if I’m not on here as much. I’ll try to update with milestones as much as I can. I’m still keeping up with all of you, and wishing you the best.