This week I saw this message on the High Needs Baby Support Group on FB:
“I wish this new baby had never been born. I told my husband when I was pregnant, that I’d rather have a miscarriage than another baby like R. So what happened? Lightning struck us twice, and we have another colicky, high needs little shit.”
Of course at first I was shocked and angry. How can someone say that? We know and have seen so many people that would give anything to have her baby. HN or colicky.
But then you really have to remember that the support group is somewhere to vent. Somewhere to be safe to say things. Having a baby that cries all the time and doesn’t sleep is hard. This woman went through this once, and now after the job of pregnancy and labor she’s going through it again. I know lack of sleep can make you crazy.
I just couldn’t comment though. There were many that did. The not nice ones were deleted, and many tried to be supportive. I just couldn’t say anything. As much as I understand, I’ve just been too deep on the other side of that coin. So I guess if you don’t have something nice to say…
J has been very fussy the last couple of days. We tried to get him out again and take a trip to Car.ters to get him some pants (my baby has grown out of the NB sizes and needs 0-3). He was in the Mo.by, but still only lasted about 10 minutes before the melt down.
It’s not fun that he cries most of the time. He has no way of showing me any love or appreciation for everything I do for him. He can’t comprehend that Mommy is trying to do what’s best for him, that she needs to pee, sleep or eat.
He just needs me, and as difficult as that can be sometimes, that what you sign up for when you decide to have a baby. Really, I think he’s an awesome kid. He’s handsome, he’s smart, and someday he will be able to hug me and tell me he loves me. I just have to be patient. We don’t get to pick our kids, but maybe they picked us. I just have to try to be what he needs me to be.
I’m so thankful for him. I’m also thankful for my awesome DH. He doesn’t always help in the way I wish he would. He could pick up or do a bit of sweeping without me having to ask, but he does everything for J and me.
A lot of HN Moms don’t get support and understanding from their husbands. They think they should be able to control their babies, and don’t even try to help or change a diaper. It’s sad.
So many things can be worse. He’s healthy, he’s alive, and he’s ours. He’ll grow up way too fast. So I’ll just hug him, kiss him, he’ll cry, and I’ll be thankful.