I really do have a love/hate relationship with this blog.
I love that I get to get my thoughts out, and let’s be honest brag about my beautiful baby.
I honestly though hate the time and care it needs. It’s like a baby itself, and there’s just not enough of me to go around. I think so too because I just don’t know what to do with it sometimes. Like the direction I want to go with it.
Before it was about my experience through infertility. Not that that is completely over with, but it’s just on the back burner right now. I first imagined it being about my experience as a new mother, but I really just had no time to blog about it because I was living it. Then it kind of just became about small updates about hitting milestones and so forth, but I think that that is just boring. Not for family or friends keeping up with us, but for the general public, snooze…..
Little was about me and how I was feeling or thinking. Partly because in the first four months I was in strict survival mode. Just trying to get me, my baby, and my family through one day at a time without any of us breaking down.
Slowly but surely we’ve gotten into a routine, and things are becoming the new normal. Now the thoughts are creeping into my head of, so who am I now?
I hate the idea of new moms “losing themselves” or who they used to be. I haven’t lost who I was before, but life has changed as it always will do. I just have to figure out how the essence of me fits into this new environment. I guess it just can seem overwhelming when the environment is so very different.
Sometimes I wish we were closer to our friends and family. Raising a baby has got to be so much easier with a village to help. Pop over to Grandma’s to watch the baby a bit while the hubs and I catch a movie. Go have coffee with a friend on a nice afternoon. I know I could find a babysitter, but after reading too many horror stories on the internet of people hitting, raping, or killing babies they were left to sit I doubt I’ll ever allow someone not super close to me to watch my baby.
I don’t want it to sound like complaining though because this is what we chose, and I am truly happy with where we are. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the city we live in. Everything that we have access to, and the mindset of the people who live here make it feel like we really belong. Its just a double edged sword with the timing of everything I guess.
We only moved here three years ago, and we really didn’t make too many friends when we first settled. If we had though, would we still be friends? Kids change things. No single couple really wants to hang out with a family, and no family really wants to hang out with singles. There’s nothing wrong with the two sets of people, but it just really doesn’t work.
Ok, so now that we’re out of the fog of the newborn stage and ready to interact with the outside world again, where do you go? How do you make friends as a new parent in a new city? Then most importantly, how do you find friends you actually like? Because no two moms are exactly alike.
I did join a Tiny Tykes class at a local children’s gym, and although I think it’s been a great experience for baby J it’s not really been helpful on the adult socializing front. First of all because the turn over rate for his age is high. I haven’t found any mother that started their baby as young as I did with J, so most of the other kids we started with a couple of months ago have already moved to another class. I can move to a mixed age class, but I just think it would be too much for him. He would get lost in all the other bigger kids running around. He still isn’t even crawling yet (more on that later).
Second is that I haven’t clicked with any of the other mothers. They’re nice. It’s just hard to find another set of parents that are liberal atheist/agnostics who are going to go to a Comic Con over a marathon, who baby wear, didn’t circumcise, make their own baby food but are going to vaccinate their kid and let them CIO, who will play on your co-ed softball team but have no idea or care who’s in the playoffs in any sport, and who may know more about celebrity gossip than she likes to admit but will not join in on whatever crazy diet plan they’re all on? Where can I find those parents? Even if you’re not exactly like that, at least a couple that would be cool with a couple like us? Craiglist ad? Is there an app for that?
So I guess I do know who I am, but I just need to find my village. I know they’re here. I just don’t know where to look.
Well, in catching up with baby other news:
St Paddy’s Day was fun….
and he looked oh so cute in his six month photo shoot….
We’ve been trucking right along with things like eating. He loves his veggies (especially if they taste like dirt), but will really only eat fruits if they are mixed in oatmeal or yogurt. I still need to try meats, and he still doesn’t seem interested in any food he has to chew. Puffs are more fun to feed to the dogs than to put in his own mouth.
Although I’m not sure why as his two bottom teeth have started to come in. He’s taken quite a few nips of the tits, but I can usually catch him before it starts.
He mastered sitting unassisted rather quickly, but this kid has no interest in crawling or pulling up on things. I’ve tried everything they tell you to try. Having his toys out of reach, putting a towel under his hips, and so on. He gets frustrated rather quickly, puts his face in the ground, and cries. I know that he’ll do it in his own time, but you can’t help but want them to catch up to their peers.
He does now say, “mamamama” and a few other babble words. Hmmm, what else, what else…. His sleep is good. He can have bad days, but he’s usually a great sleeper. He only wakes up about once a night to nurse.
I worry sometimes about my milk supply, but he doesn’t seem upset at the breast ever. So I guess it’s fine. His little tummy and chubby thighs suggest that he’s getting enough to eat. He just went into his 9 month clothes, although some pants are still too long for him. Poor kid is not going to be very tall.
I guess that’s it for now. Tomorrow my baby turns 8 months old. So look out for a basket picture!